Unprepared

How do you prepare for the unexpected, the unplanned, the unknown?

Those of you who know me and have followed this blog for any length of time know a part of my story and that the blog is in large part connected to my journal. Occasionally I will go back and review some of the things I have written, and recently, while doing so, I came across something I had written in April 2016 and wanted to share an excerpt in this blog post.

Many of you may not be familiar with the term “pop-test” that I used in this entry, but when I was in school many, many, many years ago, “pop-test,” or “pop-quiz,” was a term used when a teacher decided to give an unexpected, unscheduled test.

Journal Entry: April 2016
Unprepared
This season of my life, I feel like I have been transported to a remote location, and when I arrived, I didn’t bring what I needed. I feel so out of place and so totally unprepared. The weather and my entire surroundings are not conducive to what I brought. I feel either my bags were lost or I didn’t pack what I needed. The air is so thin, and I find difficulty breathing. The atmosphere is totally foreign to me.
I was not prepared for this.
I remember being in school and going to class, feeling good, and suddenly the teacher announces, “Today, we’re going to have a pop-test.”
But wait, I didn’t prepare for this. I’m not ready. Why didn’t you let us know this was coming? I was really enjoying this class. Everything seemed to be so perfect. Suddenly, everything changed.
The tests are passed out.
It’s okay.
Just breathe.
I remember learning how to take tests. Read through every question. If you are not sure about an answer, then just go to the next question. If you’re not sure, go to the next, and so on. Go through and answer only those questions you are sure of, and then go back and give yourself some time to think about the others.
Well, this is not looking good.
I’ve read through every question on the first page, and I didn’t know any of the answers. The second page will be better.
The second page has been read, and I still haven’t answered one question.
Surely, the third page will be different.
Page by page I go through this test, and it’s becoming very scary. I haven’t come up with any answers.
Day by day, and some days, hour by hour, I feel like I’ve gone through the pages of this test and haven’t been able to come up with any answers.
This isn’t right.
I wasn’t prepared for this.
But then, are we ever really prepared for the storms of life?
How many times have we been challenged with a “pop-test” of life? Everything seems to be fine, and suddenly, everything changes.
We tell God, “I’m not prepared for this.”
There are some things we can never really adequately prepare for. These are the times when we are unable to lean on our own understanding and are forced to trust in the Lord with our whole heart.
I have read through the questions. Unfortunately, I have no answers. Each day, I’m looking to God for my answers. Even if I don’t find all the answers, I am finding a deeper, fuller, and more meaningful relationship with Him.

That entry was from April 2016. A lot has transpired since that journal entry. I’m not the same person I was. I have come a long way, and I’m still moving forward. But in doing so, I’ve also realized that there were a lot of questions in this test which I didn’t know the answers and had to be left blank. Did I fail the test? Perhaps to some people it may have appeared that way, but in my mind, I don’t think so.

There are still days that I struggle to find answers that elude me, but that’s no longer my focus.

My focus is on what I know and not what I don’t know.

I know God loves me.
I know God has a plan for my life.
I know God is trustworthy.

Do I still fall down?

Absolutely!

And while there were a lot of unanswered questions, I came to understand that God was not requiring me to have all the answers, He was only requiring that I trust Him.

I have found a new trust in God, and a new peace. I found that when answers can’t be found, God is all I need.

Preparing for life can be elusive and frustrating at times. Everyone will go through seasons that make no sense to the human mind. So, how do we prepare for those?

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

Still Believing!